justathought

i attended a women’s conference today.  The topic was about the power of the tongue.  For those of you whose minds lend toward the gutter, you can imagine all kinds of things with that title.  Let me clarify to say it was a women’s conference at a friend’s church.  The pastor, a well-spoken woman expressed her powerful a tool we have in our voice.  We should never be afraid to use this weapon because it is the tool God gave us to be a changing force in this world.  If we speak it so shall it be.  Attending the conference made me remember that God is powerful.  I am God’s daughter, so it stands to reason that there is an awesome amount of power in me.  In these rough times, it is vital that we remember things like that.

Is it just me or are we pushing drugs to the American public in one breath and then screaming illegalities in the next?  It seems every day now I am hearing an ad on the radio that encourages listeners to “Enjoy the Stimulex Experience!”  Based on this ad, it seems that Stimulex is a drug that will put you in the mood for sex.  It only requires you to put a small strip in your mouth just before you are ready to get busy.  The ad further encourages you to share it with your partner.  Hmmm . . . . .sounds like ecstasy to me.  I guess it is only illegal if the pharmaceutical companies can’t get paid from it.  Maybe that is also the reason why marijuana will never be legal . . . government can’t figure out a way to control the production of the drug.

I kicked my niece out this week.  She has been living with me for the past year and held a job for probably three to four months total during that time.  I invited her to live with me and my boyfriend because she graduated high school and was having no success in finding a job in our home town.  This is during a time when the whispers of recession were beginning (note we had been in one for at least a year, but the whispers were just starting).  I was certain that I could help to focus her and get her started down the path to her future.

In the beginning, things went well.  She found a job and then she found two.  However,she was let go from the first staffing agency assignment when the project ended.  She worked at Old Navy for the holiday season, but after the holiday rush, she was let go there as well.  After these disappointments she lost focus, got into a relationship, and has barely looked for anything more.

She says she wants to work, but she is not looking hard enough . . . .especially now with so many people out of work.  Looking for a job requires a disciplined focus that I cannot get her to fully understand.  I gave her 30 days to either find a job or show proof of aggressively searching for work.  If she was not able to meet these requirements, I would be forced to put her out.

Thirty days came due this week and she had no job.  She has been staying with a friend for the last month.  I suspect because she wanted to adjust to no longer living in my home and because she wanted the freedom of having overnight company (which I prohibited while she remained unemployed).  I asked her (via text) to provide the proof of job search and she responded by letting me know she would be coming by to pick up all of her stuff.

I am torn.  Did I do the right thing?  How can I make her see how important it is to get her life started now? 

I had a major meltdown on Sunday.  I guess it was a long time coming.  I have been so stressed lately with concern about my niece and her lack of motivation towards her future.  I accidentally locked myself out of the house and had to wait for 2 hours before my boyfriend (I should really say ex-boyfriend here) showed up to let me in the house.  I was so pissed I immediately jumped down his throat with the accusations that had been lingering in my heart the past week.  I guess I learned that when your trust is broken once, it never fully mends.  So what can you do once you fully realize this besides call it quits right?

 After tearing him a new one, I walked out the door and my niece finally showed up ( a full 1.25 hours later than she said she could come) and I cursed her out.  That is something I have never done.  I had to catch myself mid-rant and take a deep breath.  I can only say that I am so done.  If I let them, these people will drive me to drink . . . .more than I already do . . . .can’t let that happen.

My boyfriend and I went to look at engagement rings on New Year’s Day.  It came as a total surprise to me.  We went for lunch and made a quick pit stop at a Kay Jeweler’s nearby the restaurant.  As we viewed the rings, I did not feel the sense of awe that I thought I should feel at such a special time?  Why you ask?  Most likely it is because my soul-mate has been driving me up the wall for the weeks preceding the “big event”. 

To begin with, we did not do anything for the New Year’s Eve holiday.  He planned to hang out with his male friends and I spent the time moving into our new place.  He had no thought on how important it might be for me that we bring in the new year together doing something . . .or nothing at all . . . just being together.  After viewing the rings, I had to ask him whether or not he truly believed we were at the point of buying rings.  He thought yes, I thought we should be thinking about it a little more closely.  I love him I do!  He is my best friend, but sometimes I just don’t like his ways.  So when do you know it is time to say goodbye?  When do you know that you should move on?

As the world is getting a little crazy around us, the one thing I hold on to is the knowledge that within me is power.  The power to shape my reality and do whatever the heck I want to do with my life.   As each day passes, we are all getting older.  It is time to stop sitting on the sidelines and get in the game. 

In an age when you can see Callie Torres, a character from one of my favorite shows – Grey’s Anatomy, make a female co-worker “see trees” (if only for one episode), one would think that the fear and hysteria related to having a gay person in the family has long since faded.  Why do we have such a problem with accepting people where they are?  Why must everyone dance to someone else’s drum?  In the not too distant past, Californians sent a very clear message with the passing of Proposition 8.  It seemed to say that gay people are different and sent a clear refusal to treat them just the same as everyone else.  By banning their rights to marry, it would seem that a majority have confirmed that their love is at the very least inappropriate. 

Is it any wonder that when a mother recently learned the news that her daughter had a girlfriend, she was overwrought by tears and despair?  We are programmed to think that something is wrong with people when love takes them outside of the societal norm. We become anxious and afraid wondering “who else knows this dirty little secret”.  We beseech our loved ones to keep it to themselves and tell no one.  We stick our head in the sand and pretend that nothing has changed, never realizing that by doing so we have turned out backs on the one we love.   

Why is it that we cry out “not my daughter/son?”  What is it that we truly fear and will we ever get to a time in life when people can just be who they are and love who they love?  Will we ever allow people to love who they love and be afforded the opportunities to celebrate that love in the same ways that heterosexual couples do? 

I did not do much shopping on Black Friday.  I went in search of a laptop, saw the lines at Best Buy were just to long and instead decided to buy a radio for my car.  I have been without the radio for almost three years now.  It was stolen from my car and at the time I decided it was a luxury I could do without. 

While that was the only item I bought on black Friday, I saw throngs of people out shopping away the hours.  Maybe many of them were doing the same thing I was doing .  . .  . picking up a minor item that I had been denying myself for quite some time.  Maybe many of them were out shopping like there was no tomorrow. . . . buying eveything in sight with a for sale sign on it.  I’m not sure which most were doing, but as I watched it all I wondered if I were missing something.  Is the economy not as bad as the media has led me to believe?  Are other consumers much better economists in that they ascribe to the philosophy that the average consumer will be the catalyst needed for jump-starting the economy?

I just don’t know what the answer is to my questions.  I feel compelled to hold my dollars closely. . . .but if we keep tanking in terms of our economy, the money held so closely won’t be worth the paper its printed on.

So again I ask, am I missing something?  Numbers have never been my big thing.  What can I do to process all of this financial data that is filtering into my eardrums and trying to take purchase in my consciousness?

He lived . . . he died . . . but at least I got the $400 flat screen TV I always wanted.  You have to ask yourselves, is this really the sentiment going through the minds of the Wal-Mart shoppers that trampled a man to death just to catch a bargain?  Wow, the value of a human life seems to be decreasing with each passing day.  Not to mention, he was not a Caucasian man, so I am certain the value was even lower.  We do we get to a point that we realize material possessions are not the reason we are placed here on this earth?  Those people who bought those items on Black Friday will likely find themselves trying to unload those very same bargains to put food on the table at some later date should our economy continue to tank. My sympathies and prayers go out to Jdimytai Damour and his family.

He Said you were beautiful.  He said he loved you. He gave you attention when no one else would.  You gave him your body and within months discovered you were giving him a child he wouldn’t want.  Those are the realities faced by a fifteen year old girl in today’s world. A child becomes a mother and must put aside her childish ways.

How is it that that so many of our young people are left seeking an elusive something and find their lives forever changed?  A recent letter to Ask Amy, a local advice column, speaks of two sisters at odds because one seems to support her fifteen year old pregnant niece while the other staunchly refuses to condone her nieces behavior.  Seeking advice on how to handle her sister’s refusal to be supportive, the advice given is to support your niece and let your sister stew in her own disapproval.  It made me ponder which side of the fence I would sit on if in the same situation.  I don’t believe babies having babies is a smart idea, but I don’t imagine I could turn my back on a family member that becomes pregnant at such an early age.  What good does that do? In such a time, love and guidance is needed more than ever.