Jun 27 2008
Just a Glimpse
I wanted to write something today, but I was not certain about what. I try to actually shape my thoughts so that a particular topic is determined before I begin writing, but today I decided to just start typing and see what comes out. I have had a lot going on in my life lately. I feel that inside me there is a new person emerging that is unlike anyone I’ve known before. Sometimes that is kind of scary to think about, kind of like Bruce Banner, and the Incredible Hulk. I don’t imagine there is a green monster with superhuman strength deep inside, but it is someone unlike my old self.
I actually don’t consider the person that is emerging a bad person. This person feels more than the old me. This person cares more about other people than the old me ever did. This person has a renewed sense of black pride that is beautiful to see coming to life within me. This person reminds me a little of the little girl I used to be. That little girl was fearless. She embraced all that life had to offer. It’s funny sometimes to think about how much life can change you, erode away the heart of who you are without you ever realizing it is happening.
If you are lucky, one day you wake up, realize the loss and figure out it is not to late to get back some of the “core you” that has been lost. For me, I am realizing I have such a huge capacity to love. I can and do love more than just my biological family. My life experiences taught me to bury that part of me. Those experiences taught me to be afraid to share myself with people outside my circle. Those experiences taught to me horde the gifts that God gave me, rather than share them with people freely and abundantly.
Until I let God back into my life, I was lost. I never realized how awesome He can make you feel inside if you just let Him. It creates a whole new person out of the fractured soul that we allow life’s bad experiences to make of us. When we let Him in, His essence is reflected out of us and into the atmosphere of every life we touch. It humbles us and weakens us emotionally; yet that weakness also becomes our greatest strength. It is love; by accepting it, we become love.
This new person inside me is happy. This new person inside me loves life. This new person inside me loves everyone, but especially my black people. This new person is ready to step out and be of service in a meaningful way that can help heal the plight faced by so many of my people.
Those are my thoughts today. That is where my mind is at and this is just a glimpse inside . . .
