justathought

I just spent the weekend in sunny Huntington Beach, CA. I look out the window of my hotel and I see beach. The beautiful ocean waves keep rolling onto the shore. Sunday afternoon found the water populated with surfers trying to catch a good wave and the land overflowed with athletically inclined folks coaxing a little white ball back and forth over a net.

On paper it seems the stuff of dreams, but in reality it was not as relaxing as it may seem. Why? I suppose it is because each minute required me to be “on”. My client was always just a few steps away. . . needing attention. Peering into my eyes trying to detect even the smallest hint of unrest. The only escape was during the times I could escape to my room and plead exhaustion due to a stubborn body that refused to give up its hold to the East Coast timezone. So at times it seemed I was a prisoner in paradise.

My niece and I were talking the other night about finances and the $25.00 I ask her to pay toward the household essentials (soap, dish-washing liquid, etc.).  She has been laid off from her full time job so is currently only working her part-time job at Old Navy.

The conversation began when she was talking with my boyfriend about the fact that her mom is planning to pay her car note for her until she finds a job.  When my sister mentioned this intention to me, I suggested she not do it.  My concern was that my niece would become too comfortable without having to pay her one serious bill and thus not search aggressively for a new full time job to replace the one she lost. 

My niece was apparently very upset about my saying this because she felt it showed a lack of confidence in her ability to be focused on the job search.  So when I asked her about the household expense money (which is really nothing in the scheme of things), she said “I will have your money.  I know you are not as nice as my mom.”  I immediately felt very hurt by the comment.  I could list a myriad of things I have done/will do for my niece but I won’t because I don’t believe in throwing things in a person’s face.  Suffice it to say, that those things (past, present, and future) are equal to a ranking of “nice” in the personal characterization charts.

As I thought about it that night and into the next day, my hurt faded away.  It faded away because I realized that if a child considers a parent figure “mean” or “not nice” at times, then the parental figure is doing their job.  It is my responsibility to prepare her for the real adult world.  If no one else will step up and do it, then I must. 

In the real adult world, when you lose a job . . . . no one steps up and pays your bills for you.

In the real adult world no one gives you a free pass when you can’t pay the bill.  Bill collectors do call you to remind you that you are past due.  Cars do get repossessed and tenants do get evicted.  That is life.  I do not begrudge her the safety net that is out there to catch her when she falls, but everyone in a while she needs to know what a scrapped knee feels like.

So, while her comments really hurt my feelings at the time . . . . .in the scheme of things I feel proud about my efforts to hold her accountable for something . . . .even something as small and trivial as $25.00 a month.

I see and hear a lot of comments from people indicating they wish the financial crisis we are in will be over soon.  While we speak those words and recognize that things are bad, we are not making any changes in our actions to show we are tightening the purse strings.

If we are to weather the storm, we must make small changes to keep more money in our pockets.  I wish someone out there could give me some sound advice on how to get through it all.

This week I have been doing a pretty good job of taking a break during the workday. At 11:30 - 12:30 pm I get up from my desk, put pn my sneakers and go for a walk. When I return from my break I am a little winded but fully refreshed. This week I seemed to get out of the office at a reasobale hour when I did that. However, today . . .I had no ttime for a break. It felt like the work kept adding up faster than I could weed through it. So I stayed at my desk . .ran out to grab lunch and bring back to my desk . .and I have been working ever since.

In my logical mind, I know it makes no sense to continue to do this. But in my “never quit, never give up” ideology, I can’t seem to make myself pump the brakes. I know the world will not fall apart if I stopped giving 1000% (that was not a typo), but I just can’t do it. My boyfriend is less than happy with me becaus eI spend so much time chained to my desk. . .but I try not to let that matter to me much. One of these days I guess I will have to choose. Any advice for me?

“Find your passion. Take chances.” I wear a bracelet to work fairly often that has those phrases scrolled around the band. “Though you stumble you shall not fall for the Lord upholds you with his hands.” I wear a necklace daily that broadcasts that message. “Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.” My boyfriend just recently bought me a button with that message and I wore it today.

As I talked to co-workers, I was often asked what the messages said. It was while explaining the meaning of these messages to one person, that I thought about the fact that we are always walking around broadcasting some sort of message. In my case today and most days, I wear a message in the form of jewelry that anyone can read. I explained that as I look down at these various messages, it reminds me to be positive, be hopeful, and be forgiving to others as I make it through the day.

Whether we acknowledge it or not, through our actions and attitudes we are always broadcasting a message to someone else. A smile sends a message of well being, an invitation to the receiver on the other end. A frown a message of displeasure - warning others to keep their distance. Considering the fact that there is always someone watching and judging the things we do, it is important to be as positive as possible.

The truth about my life right now is that I don’t like my job. I wish I had more money. I wish I were in better shape. I wish a million things better for myself than what my current reality is. . . .but at the same time there are a million things in my life that are great. If I only walk around expressing my displeasure, sending out the negative energy, it is hard to attract the postive.

I have decided that I want the positive things so if it requires me to wear blatant messages until my inner aura reflects those messages without spelling it out, I’m okay with that.  By taking control of my emotions, I take control of my life.  I determine the message that will broadcast from my human billboard versus letting the pressures of life dictate the unspoken messages I will transmit.  Deciding to have peace, joy, happiness and serenity are all choices . . . .and today I choose those!

This past week was not suck a good week.  I did not track my food very well and I know I ate some fast food.  I also did not exercise much.  However, I tried to make a point of eating oatmeal every day and started adding flax-seed oil to my oatmeal.  When I stepped on the scale this week, I expected to see the results of my excess, but surprisingly, I did not.

I weighed in at 198lbs still.  So while I did not lose any weight, I did not gain any either and I consider that a win.   I plan to work out this week. and see where it gets me, but I am fairly certain that I have truly kissed the 200lb zone goodbye.  I will do whatever I have to do to stay under that range.

I read an article in my local Sunday paper that talked about why folks should learn to be happy in the job they have.  This article mentions how shaky our economy is and reminds readers that while you may have some things you don’t like about the job you have . . . .at least be thankful you have a job.

I have slowly been trying to warm up to that concept long before I read this article, but it has been hard.  I no longer have joy in my job.  I have been made to feel devalued despite the long hours and hard work I have put into this job.  I truly believe an effort was made to make me feel unwelcome to the point that I would quit.  However, when I refused to give in to those efforts . . .it seems the pressure was eased a little. that while they may not want me. . .for now they need me.

So, considering the current uncertain times, I am trying to taste the lemonade in a job that has managed to make me pucker up to the bitter taste of lemon.  So what things can I be thankful for in terms of this job?

• I have a job (and it pays enough to pay the rent)
• I work with some really nice people
• I can use the time to educate myself on financial matters for free
• I am helping my clients each and everyday I come to work
• I get to go to CA next week

Those reasons are enough to make me get up and get dressed everyday this week.  Who knows, If I try hard enough I may find that I can get over this “I don’t like my job hump.”

I attended a wedding last night.  It was a simple ceremony but was quite nice.   As I sat looking around me at all of the beautiful black people dressed up to share in the happiness of the couple, I felt proud.  I was proud to see my people looking so beautiful.  I was proud to see two people expressing love by taking the ultimate step; one that is not often taken in our community. 

In the past two years, I have attended two weddings.  Before then, I had not attended a wedding since my childhood (I am now 31).  It seems that somewhere along the way black people have forgotten how to express love to one another.  We are not teaching our children about the joy and value that can be found in marriage.  I spoke about this a while back and I firmly believe that if you never see examples of happy black marriages, you never desire to experience it for yourself.  As I watched the happy couple tie the knot and pledge a lifetime to one another, I felt inspired to try and make sure that I encourage the ideals of marriage to young people that I meet.

It is only through conversations that are reinforced with real life examples that one can change the tide of opinion that our young people have towards their futures. . . .which currently do not include the distant sounds of wedding bells.

In my Monday post, I mentioned that part of the exercise I did last week was a Saturday “Girl’s Night Out” at a fitness club called B-Risque.  It was a friend’s birthday and she wanted to spend it getting a little naughty and a lot sweaty.  So she decided to invite her closest gal pals to a class that teaches the art of striptease, beginner pole dancing, and lap dance . . . .all in the name of exercise.

I must admit that I’ve never had so much fun in the name of good health.  Let’s face it, inside of everyone woman is a little bit of a stripper mentality.  We all want to learn how to do those deliciously sexy moves that drive the men crazy.  Now, with classes like those at B-Risque, we can do that and get fit too.

I had so much fun and it was only days later that I truly realized the extent of my exercise.  I was sore, my muscles ached and I found a glaring bruise on my inner right thigh ( got a little to down and dirty with the pole I guess) :).   There was one move done while sitting in the chair (imagine the lap of your significant other) where you open and close your legs in a letter “v” fashion.  It was killer.

For everyone looking for a way to bring the fun into their workout, I recommend giving a class like this a try.  It allows you to indulge your naughty side and get fit at the same time.    You may get a little bruised and battered as you learn the technique. . .but it is oh so worth it.