Oct 14 2008
That Really Hurt My Feelings
My niece and I were talking the other night about finances and the $25.00 I ask her to pay toward the household essentials (soap, dish-washing liquid, etc.). She has been laid off from her full time job so is currently only working her part-time job at Old Navy.
The conversation began when she was talking with my boyfriend about the fact that her mom is planning to pay her car note for her until she finds a job. When my sister mentioned this intention to me, I suggested she not do it. My concern was that my niece would become too comfortable without having to pay her one serious bill and thus not search aggressively for a new full time job to replace the one she lost.
My niece was apparently very upset about my saying this because she felt it showed a lack of confidence in her ability to be focused on the job search. So when I asked her about the household expense money (which is really nothing in the scheme of things), she said “I will have your money. I know you are not as nice as my mom.” I immediately felt very hurt by the comment. I could list a myriad of things I have done/will do for my niece but I won’t because I don’t believe in throwing things in a person’s face. Suffice it to say, that those things (past, present, and future) are equal to a ranking of “nice” in the personal characterization charts.
As I thought about it that night and into the next day, my hurt faded away. It faded away because I realized that if a child considers a parent figure “mean” or “not nice” at times, then the parental figure is doing their job. It is my responsibility to prepare her for the real adult world. If no one else will step up and do it, then I must.
In the real adult world, when you lose a job . . . . no one steps up and pays your bills for you.
In the real adult world no one gives you a free pass when you can’t pay the bill. Bill collectors do call you to remind you that you are past due. Cars do get repossessed and tenants do get evicted. That is life. I do not begrudge her the safety net that is out there to catch her when she falls, but everyone in a while she needs to know what a scrapped knee feels like.
So, while her comments really hurt my feelings at the time . . . . .in the scheme of things I feel proud about my efforts to hold her accountable for something . . . .even something as small and trivial as $25.00 a month.
